Book Review of What If? by Randall Munroe

It’s a New Year. Time to scrape the sludge from the old noggin and find answers to those questions that have kept you awake all night. Well, they’ve kept me awake, anyway. I really need to find a hobby.

Randall Munroe is a former NASA roboticist and creator of the webcomic xkcd. His tackles esoteric questions both large and small with a cheeky sense of humor and delightfully irreverent stick figure drawings. Unlike dry, dusty scientific textbooks Munroe takes a humorous approach, dealing with matters of physics, chemistry and biology—even daring to tackle matters of the heart. Einstein would never have tried to determine the possibility of a random encounter with a soulmate if one actually existed. (Sorry to say it is slim to none, so you better hold on to your current heartthrob while you can.)

His approach to scientific inquiry is both amusing and thought provoking. Who knew a continuously power hairdryer in a box is the secret to building a time machine? Warning: don’t try this at home with your Conair since it requires an indestructible casing and an unlimited power source. Also it is definitely not a good idea to fire off a nuclear device in the eye of hurricane to vaporize it. Apparently, this question gets asked so often to the National Oceanographic and Atmosphere Association that they even have a paper on the subject.

Some questions are unexpectedly thought provoking. If every human being disappeared from the face of the Earth, the last artificially created light source would take centuries to go out. No, it’s not the Energizer Bunny. Some radioactive waste products are melted, mixed with glass, and formed into a solid block. In the dark, these blocks glow blue. The last artificial light source would be a pile of toxic waste. Mankind’s crap will outlive all other technological achievements. Ha! Made you think, didn’t I?

All the question in the book have been submitted by fans of his website which does make one wonder about their mental stability. After all, who needs to know if you dial a random person and say “God Bless You” what is the probability that person has just sneezed? Oh, all right, I do.  And I was tickled pink to hear the answer is 1 in 40,000.

Despite the sciency stuff, this book is an easy, fun read and the stick figures are cute with a quirky charm. The biggest fault I found is the author fails to address the one question that has haunted me for years. Why are cologne commercials always stupid and make no damn sense?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Book Review for Food: A Love Story by Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan is a funny guy. Known for his standup routines, he often includes commentary on food. So what are his qualifications to write a book on the subject? Nothing, really, unless you count the admission that he’s a little fat.
 
Like a pound of crispy bacon the book is deliciously satisfying. Gaffigan explores why we love food, what we love, and how much more of it can we stuff into our pie holes without falling into a coma. He covers the whole gamut of eating from breakfast, lunch, and dinner, to regional cuisine, fast food, fine dining, the intricacies of airport cuisines and, oh, that hated kale.

The chapters are short and read more like an expanded collection of essays. If you have ever listened to his comedy routine, some will be familiar. I didn’t find the book less enjoyable for that as it contained plenty of new material and some more background added to the old. For those who are familiar with Gaffigan’s act, his standup includes a memorable bit on Hot Pockets that launched him to comedy circuit stardom. My favorite observation is that Hot Pockets always comes in a box of two; one to eat and regret and the other to leave in the freezer until you move. As Gaffigan says, “I’ve never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterward thought, I’m glad I ate that. In the book he offers not just more funny riffs on Hot Pockets, but also explains how he developed the routine. He accepts its popularity as a blessing and a curse, admitting if he were to keel over today his obituary would, no doubt, describe him as the Hot Pockets’ comedian.

He expounds on our quirky eating habits around the country with the Jim Gaffigan Food Map. It’s not exactly Rand McNally, but it works. Regions are divided into areas such as Seabugland (pretty much all of the East Coast), Eating BBQland (Southeast/Parts of Midwest), Mexicanfoodland (Southwest to Texas), Coffeeland (Pacific Northwest) and others. My favorite is New Orleans as Food Anxietyland. Gaffigan admits to an angst that comes over him every time he steps into the city. Where should he eat? What should he eat? The decisions are endless. Should he go for French, Cajun, Creole, beignets? I feel your pain, bro. I, too, have agonized between a po’boy and muffaletta and ended up getting both. 

The book is great fun and loaded with pictures of his wife and family. Frankly any man with five kids deserves props for that alone. Despite his adventures in junkfoodland the Gaffigan’s sound like a very healthy, loving bunch. I’d share a meal with them anytime

*****

Excerpt from Food: A Love Story

People are nicer in the South. They are. Even when they are rude they are polite. Maybe it’s the singsong of the southern drawl, but even a “Y’all can go to hell” from a Southerner sounds friendly. “Well, thank you kindly. Y’all can go to hell, too. An’ y’all come back now, y’hear?” People in the South are nicer, but they are slower. I don’t mean they are slower intellectually, I mean they just move slower.

FIREMAN: You have to get out! Your house is on fire!

SOUTHERN GUY: All right. All right. I’ll leave. But first I have to drink me some sweet tea. Then I’ll deal with that pesky house fire.

 Biscuits and Gravy

I think I’ve identified why people in the South behave in such a nonchalant manner. It’s the biscuits and gravy. Everyone in the South seems to move like they’ve just had two helpings of biscuits and gravy. They are moving like you might after Thanksgiving dinner. You know when you are uncomfortably full but pleasantly satisfied as you drag yourself over to the couch for a nap. That is how everyone below the Mason-Dixon Line moves in everyday life. I really believe it’s the biscuits and gravy. The feeling you have after eating biscuits and gravy is identical to the feeling of chaining a bowling ball to your foot.

 
More amazingly, people in the South are eating biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Yes, breakfast. They aren’t coming home drunk late at night slurring, “I’ll eat anything.” They are waking up thinking, Time for cement!

*****

 I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

 

Author Hebby Roman: Writing Seat of the Pants Versus Obsessive Compulsive



The Princess and the Templar



Raul de Porcelos, a dedicated Knight Templar, is duty bound to bring orphaned Irish Princess Cahira O'Donnell to wed the Earl of Orkney, Raul's lord. But Cahira has a mind of her own and resists the handsome Templar, refusing to relinquish the castle and lands that her family died to protect.

Thrown together by fate, they come to know each other and a forbidden passion is kindled.  Who will be the first to surrender to desire, the warrior-princess or the warrior-monk?

Author Hebby Roman discusses seat of the pants verses the obsessive compulsive in writing.

Strange name for a blog, but what I'm asking is: which kind of writer are you, a seat of the pants type or an obsessive compulsive type? I personally know lots of authors who have brilliant story beginnings and then they go with it and let the story unravel organically. I envy those writers because for me, beginning a story is about as painful as giving birth.

I'm the second type, the obsessively organized, compulsive writer. When I started writing, I was totally freaked out about writing dialogue. I was the Czarina of telling, not showing. I avoided that scary stuff by writing a long outline of my story, detailing every twist and turn of the plot, along with the characters' reactions and feelings.

I wrote my first historical romances from long outlines, and I never had a saggy middle. Even better, my outlines helped me to know what journey the characters needed and how the book should end. Sounds pretty good but then my fellow writers convinced me that adhering to a strict outline stifled my creativity. I listened and realized my characters were feeling the "pinch." They wanted to be released from their strait-laced outline. I decided to change my approach, and I zeroed in on the characters' backstory and their life experiences. I put the h/h together and let the magic begin. I also did a high-level, general outline to direct the overall arc of the story.

For example, in THE BEST BET (my second contemporary romance), the heroine has been strongly influenced by her father to put her ambition above finding love. I leave it to my hero's unwavering patience, unconditional love, and story elements to change her mind, so she can take a chance on love.

THE BEST GAME is a story about two strong, beautiful, and charismatic individuals. The hero's a big frog in a small pond: a handsome ex-jock type and very successful salesman. The heroine is a glamorous New York model. So what's the problem? They're both so accomplished they don't trust the other person to love them for their real selves, warts and all. I had to thrust them into situations where trust could grow between them.

In my historical, featured here, THE PRINCESS AND THE TEMPLAR, I constructed it based on the concept of a medieval version of the Thornbirds, where a celibate warrior-monk, who's also bastard-born, falls in love with an Irish princess. The princess falls in love with the hero, despite his birth and vocation. But the hero feels he has to strive to win her regard and affection to overcome the difference in their ranks. Not to mention, he has to come to terms with what he will do about his vow of celibacy and his Templar Order. History intervenes in the form of the Templar purge, which helps to compel the story to its end. Again, though, you can see how the h/h's backstory propels the romance.

Backstory is key, along with a little bit of obsessiveness in the form of a general outline. When you put the two together and let your characters "talk" to you, they will lead you through the trials and tribulations they need to tackle and overcome in order to fall in love and find their happily-ever-after ending.

******

EXCERPT from The Princess and the Templar

The wind rose to a shriek, sounding like a woman in travail. The sea heaved and churned. The ship leaned sharply. Cahira felt her feet slipping. She grabbed for the rail, but her cold hands were too stiff. The rail slipped from her grasp, and she was falling.

Raul caught her in his strong arms. She placed one hand on his broad chest and felt his heart beating beneath his tunic. At the touch of her hand, his pulse leapt and raced. Realizing his response, heat suffused her. She licked her lips and removed her hand. She was steady now, but he didn’t release her. His unfathomable black gaze captured hers and they stood, clasped in each other’s arms.

He bent his head, and his lips were within inches of hers. Her heart leapt, too, plunging in a mad gallop. Was he going to kiss her again? Without thinking, she leaned closer, willing him to kiss her, craving the forbidden intimacy. But at the last moment, he drew back. Her breath stopped in her chest, and she remained perfectly still. Her shoulders sagged, but with her disappointment, came the sharp-edged stab of guilt. For surely, she was a wanton.

He possessed iron self-control. She knew because she’d felt his body’s response, sensed he wanted to kiss her as badly as she wanted him to.

She stepped back and grasped the ship’s rail. “Thank you for stopping me from going overboard.”

He reached out, and his strong fingers cupped her chin, his touch burning her chilled skin. “No need to thank me.” His ebony eyes gleamed, the darker pupils narrowing. His gaze moved over her like a caress. “Your face is as cold as fresh snow.” he murmured huskily.  Without warning, his iron control reasserted itself, and he suddenly released her, clearing his throat. “You should go to your cabin. We can talk about the journey later.” 

How dare he dismiss her? And his smooth words didn’t fool her, either. He hadn’t touched her again to learn if she was cold or not. Nay, the yearning she’d glimpsed in his eyes mirrored the throb in her own body. 

How much longer could they go on torturing each other?

*****

You can find Hebby at:
Website: http://www.hebbyroman.com
FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hebby-Roman/582681221798972

You can find The Princess and the Templar at:
AMAZON
BARNES & NOBLE

Writing for a Series: Don’t Tell Me What To Do. I’m a God in My Own Mind.

One Enchanted Evening

I’ll let you in on a little secret. All writers have a dark side. Deep down we’re convinced if people would only do everything we say, damn it, the world would be a better place. Eventually each one of us comes to the sorry conclusion we won’t be elected Ruler of the World. The only way to make up for the crushing disappointment is to write. On paper I wield omnipotent power over my fictional realm. I manipulate lives, kill off all my enemies (in print), and create people way more interesting than myself. Not to mention, being adored by millions of fans (in my mind.) The dark forces rise. Mwah-ha-ha.

Then I got the chance to write One Enchanted Evening for a series.   

Writing for a pre-existing series has a special set of challenges. Writers do not necessarily play well with others. We are pasty-faced individuals, bereft of social skills. Banished to unheated garrets with quills in hand, we battle wasting upper respiratory ailments. Writing for a series requires unprecedented cooperation and no small amount of patience. Coughing delicately into our lacy handkerchiefs, we must scurry from the garret to interact with real people. It’s hard.

Build from the fictional ground up.

The first step in the development of the Lobster Cove series for Wild Rose Press was to appoint a coordinating editor. Rumor has it she didn’t duck fast enough and got slapped with the job. Lord knows, it’s not for the faint of heart. Her responsibility entailed devising the original platform; in this case a small town on the coast of Maine. Stories would cover all time periods; past, present, and future. Full length novels, novelettes, and even short stories were welcome along with an array of fiction genres such as contemporary, historical, suspense, paranormal and, yes, even naughty bits of erotica. Like a real town, Lobster Cove would have diversity in spades.

To rough out descriptive details, the editor solicited suggestions early from those who had an interest in writing for the series. Decisions had to be made concerning the size of the town in both area and population. What were the most logical major and minor industries in a Maine coastal resort area? What were typical occupations? The editor created a master spreadsheet with categories and descriptions of places and occupations, male and female characters, town events, and other reference items writers might need. With the basics laid out, next came an actual town map highlighting streets and locations of buildings and service organizations such as the police department, hospital, and public schools. Local landmarks were chosen and situated. Lobster Cove now had a lighthouse, a centrally located park with gazebo, manmade lake, beaches, and an offshore island.

Submissions opened up. Publishing contracts were signed. New businesses and characters were added to the spreadsheet. The map filled in even more. Slowly, Lobster Cove began to resemble a real town. Places, however, need more than people and buildings. Dozens of other details had to be worked out such as festivals, town events, flora and fauna, and the high school mascot. World-building is a pain. No wonder gods are so cranky.

What do you mean there’s no room for Ye Olde Donut Shoppe? Not even a lousy kiosk?

When creating a world from scratch, the author controls the population. Not so in a series. As far as story ideas, it’s first come, first served and all subject to the coordinating editor’s approval. The first person to use a character defines a character. If a contracted story states the mayor is a cross-dressing, Irish-Argentinian cat fancier with irritable bowel syndrome than that’s what goes into the spreadsheet. Anyone else wanting to use the mayor has to take Pedro O’Toole and his kittens, gastroenteritis, and feathered boa as is. Either that or its back to the storyboard.

Lack of control can be a royal pain especially when it comes to the major setting for your story. Food venues seem to be the first to go. It makes sense. Coffee shops, restaurants, or bakeries are all perfect places for social interaction—great venues for story arcs. You may have written a moving, charming, brilliant, and gripping tale about the owner of a donut shop, but if another writer beats you to the punch, and the editor decrees Lobster Cove has enough donut shops, you’re out of luck. Back to the rewrites.

There are additional considerations when coordinating details with other writers. Want your characters to have a romantic walk along the pier on the third Saturday in June? Oops, too bad. Another author has a storm scheduled that day. Have a big denouement in the police chief’s office the last week of September? Pity, another author is having it fumigated.  One sticky problem I had was the name of a particular character. He was a minor, but necessary addition to my story. I couldn’t write around him, but he was not my character. His role had already been defined by another. That meant his name had been selected and it happened to be a name I detest. This is not the name for someone who is an asset to a community. This is the name of a kid who sat next to me in kindergarten, grabbing his crotch and making airplane noises. Seriously, I wouldn’t give a gerbil in one of my stories this name, but I was stuck with it. I gnashed my teeth each time I typed it in.

Another problem is time limits. Writing for a series is not for someone who needs two years to crank out a story. Submission dates are firm. If you can’t finish by the deadline, than you need to shop your work around somewhere else.

Give it up for the team.

I had reservations about working on a series. Writing for me has always been a solitary art and I wasn’t sure I could be a team player. I was wrong. Despite minor irritations, working on One Enchanted Evening was a blast. It’s good to step out of your comfort zone. It stretches those literary wings.

The foremost pleasure comes from the collaboration with other writers dedicated to infusing life into a fictional town. Lobster Covians (yeah, we had a discussion about what to call inhabitants, too) are an eager talented group ready to share ideas and research. An innocent query into the writer’s loop about a character or place brings a plethora of links, pictures, and helpful hints. Need someone to read a passage from a work in progress to see if it rings true? Just post a query. Someone will answer and give you the benefit of their experience. It’s a warm, supportive community with an enthusiastic cheering squad. I’m proud to be an honorary citizen of the Cove.

Click on the Rafflecopter Giveaway link to enter for a $25 gift certificate to Red Lobster and a $50 gift certificate to Wild Rose Press. Hurry! Giveaway ends Tuesday, September 30.

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Book Review: The Martian by Andy Weir

Mark Watney is having a really bad day. Due to a chain of accidents the astronaut has been marooned on Mars. Believing he’s dead, his crew left for Earth. He has no way to communicate with either the spaceship or NASA. Not that it matters, because in less than sixty days, he’ll be out of food, water, and air. Yup, a really bad day. Unless he finds a way to survive on a barren planet for four years until the next Mars landing, he will be completely and totally screwed.  

What is Right With This Book?

When you think back on your list of top ten books, more than likely most, if not all, will have been read before you turned thirty. The books you loved in your formative years stick to you like hot fudge to hips and stay a happy memory for the rest of your life. You revisit them now and then like old friends and leave with a warm and happy feeling. (After thirty, you are no longer formative. Mostly you are sludge that can only think with a regular infusion of caffeine and/or sugar—at least for me.) I accepted I would like a lot of books, even love some, but none would ever again make my list of favorites.

I was wrong.

The Martian is not just an example of an excellent science fiction book, but one of the best science fiction books I’ve ever read. There…I’ve gone on record and said it. Why is it great? Several reasons. Not only did Weir create a totally engaging hero, the book has a gripping, story that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will Mark find a food source? Water? A way to communicate with NASA? Can a rescue be mounted or is he doomed to a lonely death millions of miles from home?

The Martian is also surprisingly funny. Science fiction that is heavy on technical data rarely brings a chuckle. Often it is pretentious and stuffy, but Mark Watney faces impossible odds with a hysterical, self-deprecating sense of humor that made me laugh-out-loud.

Finally, science fiction books often suffer from poor characterization, particularly of females. Let’s face it, most are written by men. Women come across as little more than cardboard cutouts stuffed in a space suit. Not so, The Martian. Although Watney is alone on Mars the book’s point of view bounces from him to the mixed-gender crews of the spaceship and NASA. Female characters are fully formed and completely believable.

What’s Wrong With It?

Nothing. Seriously, not one single word. I can’t remember the last time I’ve loved a book so much from start to finish. The Martian outshines anything I ever read by Niven, Herbert, Clarke or any of the other supposed grand masters. Okay, if you put a gun to my head, I’ll admit I hate the cover. It’s ugly.

Why YOU Might Not Like It 

Some books, even well-written ones, should come with a warning. The Martian is one of them. You will hate this book, not even make it through the first chapter, if you don’t like hard science fiction. What is hard science fiction? It is a story that is heavy on the science and technical details.  I’m a dweeb, I admit it. I love the sciency stuff. If you can’t stand techno-talk, please don’t start this book. You’ll hate every single page, think I’m crazy for writing a glowing review, and make me cry very salty tears. Don’t bother picking it up.

I received a copy of The Martian for free from Blogging for Books in exchange for this review.

L. A. Kelley is a co-blogger at The Book Cove.  She writes stories with adventures, romance, humor, and a touch of sass. You can find her at http://lakelleythenaughtylist.blogspot.com

Book Review: How to Survive a Sharknado by Andrew Shaffer

 

Life is full of hidden perils. Some you can see coming; smog, rabid dogs, visits by your in-laws. Some you can’t; El Nino, UV radiation, and the Hanta virus. Some you don’t expect at all. Thank goodness for Andrew Shaffer and his handy guide to threats you never even knew existed.  Why bother breaking a sweat over global warming or Thanksgiving with Uncle Dwayne when a greater danger lies in wait from a sharknado? For those not in the know a sharknado is a tornado that forms over the ocean. Its whirling fury sucks up several hundred sharks and then flings them out in a random pattern over the nearest city. Needless to say, this agitates the sharks and causes them to chomp away on people with happy abandon. SyFy Channel movies have been warning us to duck and cover for years, but no. You wouldn’t listen, would you? Now sharks are falling from the skies and you have no idea what to do.

Luckily Andrew Shaffer does. He has put all this useful information together in one place to give us poor terrified victims of unnatural catastrophes the best chance of survival. The book is divided into two sections; unnatural disasters and monsters. Each part covers a multitude of dangers humans may have to face. The simple layout makes it easy to thumb through as you’re running for your life. Running, by the way, rarely works when death is hot on your heels. What does work is rapid threat assessment followed by an adequate supply of guns, rockets loaded with dry ice, bombers dropping glaciers, dynamite, the occasional nuclear warhead, and a jewel called The Eye of Medusa (The last is only effective against a basilisk.)

Tips and Treats

Along with survival tips Shaffer also adds additional snippets of information on surviving the unnatural catastrophe. Making your last line of defense against a sharknado is not the time to figure out how to wield a chainsaw. Study the instructions first. Also useful to know are the melting points of various manmade objects. The St. Louis Gateway Arch is stainless steel and at 2600 degrees Fahrenheit is much more durable in the face of a firenado (tornado made of fire) than is the Statue of Liberty at a paltry 1984 degrees. Avid cooks will appreciate the recipe for fried gatoroid. After all, once you’ve disposed of something as big as a Greyhound bus it would be a crying shame to let all that good meat go to waste.

Stocking Stuffer

Do you have a crazed survivalist hiding in the basement? Or, better yet, a Boy Scout or Girl Scout in your family? Forget those silly Red Cross first aid manuals for Christmas. All they really need is How to Survive a Sharknado stuffed into their stocking in order to laugh in the face of death (or perhaps earn some really keen merit badges).

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

L.A.K.

Book Review of Here is Where: Discovering America's Great Forgotten History by Andrew Carroll

Pity the poor suffering student trapped in a stuffy classroom with an aging professor droning away about white guys fighting. For most students that depressing scenario constitutes a history class; dates, a succession of wars, and who is trying to kill whom. If only they had Andrew Carroll. Under his skillful storytelling, forgotten history unfolds as a fascinating journey into the past.

History becomes more that a succession of place names and battles. Carroll explores not only how these forgotten places forged our identity as Americans, but why they have been forgotten in the in first place. Women and minorities are often shortchanged in history books, but many previously forgotten accomplishments are enthusiastically set forth.

The details are fascinating, but part of the appeal is the author also journeyed to these sites and often met with eye witnesses or direct descendants to add another layer of interest. One story leads whimsically to another. Some are amusing. Richard Hart, a federal agent who fought bootleggers was Al Capone’s brother. Some are chilling. Madison Grant was a fervent conservationist who saved the buffalo from extinction and the redwoods from the lumberman’s axe. He was also a die-hard racist whose writings influenced Adolf Hitler.

Well-written history should read like well-written fiction and this certainly does. Be warned. After reading this book, you will have a difficult time passing a historical marker.

Here is Where Buy Link