Book Review: How to Survive a Sharknado by Andrew Shaffer

 

Life is full of hidden perils. Some you can see coming; smog, rabid dogs, visits by your in-laws. Some you can’t; El Nino, UV radiation, and the Hanta virus. Some you don’t expect at all. Thank goodness for Andrew Shaffer and his handy guide to threats you never even knew existed.  Why bother breaking a sweat over global warming or Thanksgiving with Uncle Dwayne when a greater danger lies in wait from a sharknado? For those not in the know a sharknado is a tornado that forms over the ocean. Its whirling fury sucks up several hundred sharks and then flings them out in a random pattern over the nearest city. Needless to say, this agitates the sharks and causes them to chomp away on people with happy abandon. SyFy Channel movies have been warning us to duck and cover for years, but no. You wouldn’t listen, would you? Now sharks are falling from the skies and you have no idea what to do.

Luckily Andrew Shaffer does. He has put all this useful information together in one place to give us poor terrified victims of unnatural catastrophes the best chance of survival. The book is divided into two sections; unnatural disasters and monsters. Each part covers a multitude of dangers humans may have to face. The simple layout makes it easy to thumb through as you’re running for your life. Running, by the way, rarely works when death is hot on your heels. What does work is rapid threat assessment followed by an adequate supply of guns, rockets loaded with dry ice, bombers dropping glaciers, dynamite, the occasional nuclear warhead, and a jewel called The Eye of Medusa (The last is only effective against a basilisk.)

Tips and Treats

Along with survival tips Shaffer also adds additional snippets of information on surviving the unnatural catastrophe. Making your last line of defense against a sharknado is not the time to figure out how to wield a chainsaw. Study the instructions first. Also useful to know are the melting points of various manmade objects. The St. Louis Gateway Arch is stainless steel and at 2600 degrees Fahrenheit is much more durable in the face of a firenado (tornado made of fire) than is the Statue of Liberty at a paltry 1984 degrees. Avid cooks will appreciate the recipe for fried gatoroid. After all, once you’ve disposed of something as big as a Greyhound bus it would be a crying shame to let all that good meat go to waste.

Stocking Stuffer

Do you have a crazed survivalist hiding in the basement? Or, better yet, a Boy Scout or Girl Scout in your family? Forget those silly Red Cross first aid manuals for Christmas. All they really need is How to Survive a Sharknado stuffed into their stocking in order to laugh in the face of death (or perhaps earn some really keen merit badges).

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

L.A.K.

Book Review of Here is Where: Discovering America's Great Forgotten History by Andrew Carroll

Pity the poor suffering student trapped in a stuffy classroom with an aging professor droning away about white guys fighting. For most students that depressing scenario constitutes a history class; dates, a succession of wars, and who is trying to kill whom. If only they had Andrew Carroll. Under his skillful storytelling, forgotten history unfolds as a fascinating journey into the past.

History becomes more that a succession of place names and battles. Carroll explores not only how these forgotten places forged our identity as Americans, but why they have been forgotten in the in first place. Women and minorities are often shortchanged in history books, but many previously forgotten accomplishments are enthusiastically set forth.

The details are fascinating, but part of the appeal is the author also journeyed to these sites and often met with eye witnesses or direct descendants to add another layer of interest. One story leads whimsically to another. Some are amusing. Richard Hart, a federal agent who fought bootleggers was Al Capone’s brother. Some are chilling. Madison Grant was a fervent conservationist who saved the buffalo from extinction and the redwoods from the lumberman’s axe. He was also a die-hard racist whose writings influenced Adolf Hitler.

Well-written history should read like well-written fiction and this certainly does. Be warned. After reading this book, you will have a difficult time passing a historical marker.

Here is Where Buy Link