Meh.
Sorry,
that’s the best I can muster. Star Wars: The Force Awakens isn’t an awful
movie, but it’s not a great one either.
Read on, and I promise no spoilers.
Haven’t I seen this somewhere before?
A
teenager on a desert world with a hard life who doesn’t fit in. An robot with a
secret agenda. A reluctant hero. A masked villain with a mysterious past. A super
weapon. No I’m not describing the original Star Wars. All those same elements
are in this movie along with many other similarities. Star Wars was an iconic
moment in cinematic history. Any new movie in the genre should be a homage to
the original, not slavishly derivative.
The
surprises are disappointments. Kylo Ren’s real identity is revealed halfway
through the movie. Enough hints were dropped so that if you had been paying
attention, his relationship to other characters was obvious. The news arrives
not with a gasp, but with a yawn. While we’re on the subject of Kylo Ren, there
hasn’t been a more irritating villain since Hayden Christensen’s Anakin
Skywalker. Whiny and grating, there is
nothing scary about him. Darth Vader was chilling from the first moment he appeared
on screen. He never told you what he was going to do to you. He simply snapped
your neck like a dry twig when you didn’t answer his questions. The worst thing
he said? “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” It’s still creepy.
Kylo
Ren stomps around the movie like a petulant schoolchild. Why aren’t I popular? Why don’t the cool kids like me? The
rebellion has nothing to fear from him. Every time he throws another hissy fit
(and he throws several) I imagine the storm troopers rolling their eyes beneath the masks and thinking, Oh crap, not again.
Doesn’t he ever zip it? Eventually, they’ll rise up and kill him. Not
because they fear for their lives, but simply because they’ve grown tired of
his whimpering petulance. Ah well, what can one expect when Kylo Ren’s master, Supreme
Leader Snoke, isn’t any more threatening? He comes across as a cranky CEO
rather than an archetype of evil.
BB-8
was supposed to be the new R2-D2. Not even close. A good part of R2-D2’s charm
was his relationship with C3PO. He
nagged, C3PO protested. They argued, they made up. They were a metallic odd
couple. The range of whistles and clicks had a funny, weird friendship dynamic missing
from the movie. BB-8 is a cute little robot, but has no one to talk to except
the occasional human. There’s nothing memorable about him.
Apparently, love doesn’t conquer all
The
end of the first trilogy left you with warm feelings about Han and Leia. Two
people who needed each other found each other. Sure, the road ahead wasn’t easy. There were still
dangers lurking, remnants of the Empire who wouldn’t play nice, but they had
each other. They would face the trials together and triumph.
Nice
to know we were all wrong. Han and Leia are now grumpy Grammy and Gramps. There
is no passion. This is no romance. They seem more like brother and sister. Kirk
and Spock had more sexual chemistry in Abrams’ Star Trek movies than these two.
Ford and Fisher are actors. Couldn’t they at least have acted as if they once
had a spark?
How to improve the series
I’m
so tired of all the heroes with daddy issues. This film, like so many other
blockbusters, embraces father/son conflict, hoping to pull on the heartstrings.
It doesn’t. All it gets from me is a Not
again. Don’t they have any new ideas? The mantra in bloated budget movies
seems to be if it worked the first five hundred times, it’s good enough. The
big boys in Hollywood need to cut back on their cappuccino budget and find
money to add a few female screenwriters.
Women would nip that daddy issue nonsense in the bud and come up with
something more creative to add drama and engage an audience. Better yet, use women
writers who have children. They know a thing or two about dealing with whiny
toddlers and they most certainly would never write one as a villain.
Why
are the powers-that-be in Hollywood so afraid of a little warmth and romance?
It won’t turn an action film into a bodice-ripping chick flick, but rather
humanizes the characters. There can and should be a happily ever after for
well-loved heroes and heroines in movies that are meant to be fun. It makes us
all feel a little better knowing that love can conquer all—even if it’s only on
the movie screen. Don’t take that away from us.
Pluses. Really?
Yes
there were a few. In particular, the new cast additions were excellent. Rey made
a plucky heroine. Finn’s transition from storm trooper to reluctant hero added
a nicely done twist. Poe Dameron’s pilot had a gritty appeal as a seasoned
warrior. The story should have focused completely on them and their fight against
the First Order. Dump Kylo Ren and Snoke. Add a new villain, and the movie would
have been ten times better.
More to come.
Maybe
the second movie will improve. With a young cast this good there’s hope, but I won’t
hold my breath. The first time I saw Star Wars, I was left with a triumphant
feeling, and a desire to immediately watch the movie again. Not this time, I’m
afraid. It was an okay movie with an
okay plot that generated nothing more than a vaguely dissatisfied feeling. With
all the money thrown into this project, the end result really should have been memorable. It's not.
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